The struggles of A $&;@#£ Girl Diet

•March 17, 2017 • Leave a Comment

So. I had this kid, he’s cute. Completely RUINED my body. But I just can’t help but love his cute fat little face. ♥️(yes I’m calling my baby fat get over it) 

See cute little fat man. It’s exactly a year later, and I finally have the this awesome job!! And decided “ok, great job, starting my full awesome life time to drop all this baby weight.”

And I’ve been doing great I went from several sodas a day. To one MAYBE two, (I’ll never give up my coffe, and yes, it does have creamer and sugar. It’ll not go away I don’t care what you have to say it’s here to stay.)

But here I am eating healthier and I go to Duncan Doughnuts for a coffee. And go to some fast food place and get a salad (by the way Wendy’s Cesar salad is super yummy). I ended up looking at Duncan Doughnuts food menu. I think I’ll eat a tad healthier. ” yeah I would like the egg white veggie on flat bread ”

IMMEDIATELY regret it, right as I was driving to the window I saw egg white with bacon and cheese. But was thinking man they’d be pissed if I change my order at the window. I pay for it ( I’m going to hell by the way my total was $6.66) and I get my awesome Caramel Ice Coffee.

Getting to work I look at myself. I have have this healthy ass Egg Whites with veggie flat bread (it has cheese who knew) and this medium (maybe large I was very tired) iced caramel coffee with sugar and creamer. And I just felt so ashamed that it was funny to me.

My healthy fancy ass healthy egg white with veggies on flat bread (and cheese)

My Caramel Coffee (with sugar and creamer)

I failed my diet. Failed it sooooooo hard. But lunch you were so good I had you for the next three days. (But one Soda and coffee a day is a lot less than several)

I even did squats the night before all freaking proud of myself for finally doing what needed to be done. And i fail it with my addiction to freaking coffee.

I know diets aren’t easy. I don’t need to hear that. But at least I know the core of my problems. MY FREAKING ADDICTION TO DUNCAN DOUGHNUTS ICED CARAMEL COFFEE.


A Virtual World is the Best Way to Live

•March 30, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I have done a lot of writing on my life with Graphic Design. I wanted to add a new feature of another passion I enjoy. Which is gaming. I love gaming and enjoy it a lot. I am a hardcore gamer, but with the limitations of a casual player because of my heavy school load and also my job. I wanted to share with you my thoughts on gaming.

Over the years games have developed dramatically. Some for the good, some for the bad. There has been many debates containing games and game addiction. Researchers right now are trying to figure out a way to say that game addiction can be a mental disorder, most say it is, others say there is no reasonable cause to say that game addiction to be called a mental disorder.  They will all deny they are not addicted to games, just as an alcoholic will deny being addicted to alcohol, a druggie being addicted to drugs, or a person addicted to sex/porn they will say they can go without but really it will drive them insane to be with out their little addiction.

Sex is stated to be an addiction to let there be known that there is a sexaholics anonymous, and sex addiction is known as a mental disorder. Why isn’t gaming? Unlike alcohol and drugs there isnt a chemical in sex that will addict you do it, just as they say with games, there isn’t anything to really make you addicted to games a person just plays them. A person who is addicted to gaming will go mad or get angry with out having some type of game system or do anything dealing with games through out the day. Their opinion of a nice day is sitting down playing a game either on a console or a computer.

Hardcore gaming is known to ruin lives, relationships, marriages, and families. There are many documented cases on how games have ruined the lives of many people either them being the gamer, or them being in the gamer’s  life. A person addicted to games sit there for hours on end every day of the week. Ignoring the people around them, with their back always turned away from others, and their lack of caring for what other people think, feel, and when it comes to their own lives. How is sitting in front of a computer a good way to show people they care?

I’ll tell you about a few gamers that I know of. This “study” was collected over a few years with 8 gamers. I wasn’t sitting there studying them for a paper, but after I had to write a report on behavioral issues I figured that they could be a great topic. So the following is collected data I have figured out about the gamers in my little community.

Over the phone they sounded like the nicest people, and would tell the people they love that when they move in together they wouldn’t be at the computer so much. It’ wasn’t true, they got angry when you told them to get off, and their definition of spending time together was being in the same room together.

Their knowledge of emotions is lack. When people around them are upset the gamers don’t see the emotions coming off of the others around them. When the person got mad, the gamer would get upset wondering what they have done wrong. When the person finally told them what happened, the gamer started to cuss and say that they were overreacting. The addicted gamers have horrible anger problems. Everything to them is an argument, a person could be talking in the softest tone and they would start to get angry and complain and say they are cussing at them. When in reality the person talking to the gamer actually just stated a simple opinion or asked them to do something.

They lie to be able to stay on the game, loosing the trust of the people that care for them. Gamers tended to hide what they were doing on the computer. They tend to be very secretive about their activities other than gaming. Gamers thought it was right to talk on the phone for hours with the other sex, in another room with the door locked, while their loved one is sitting there in another room. That person lost them a long time ago, talking to the opposite sex like they are their own girlfriend or better should be normal for them. When they have friends over they would stay up all hours of the night playing games not caring that the person that loves them the most is sitting there behind them wanting them to at least acknowledge they were there.

Gamers don’t know as much as they think they do. Their lack of the outside world makes them scared to go out. They rarely leave their house, or even their room. I know a gamer that has a bathroom in his room, so as I’ll say again, never leaves their room. They don’t understand the concept of anything off of gaming. They want the whole world to revolve around gaming. Once I woke up to my lover’s hands over my mouth suffocating me in my sleep. Yet he was awake, awake in his sleep, he told me that it’ll all be OK, that he just needs the specs for his rocket launcher on Borderlands. I now have a fear of hands to be over my mouth, even my own hands. I shouldn’t be with him right? I know I should leave him, but he played more than 16 hours a day on that game. He isn’t aloud to play that much after that. This tells shows how games effect people in many ways.

I have noticed over the past two years that not all gamers are like this, but majority of them are addicted to that one type of game with out a real reason to let go. Some want to interrupt major points in their life in order not to break their schedule with gaming. I understand doing something you love but sometimes there is a time where you need to move on. I guess I have already reached that point and some of the people I know haven’t.

Again, this isn’t for all gamers. This is though for a select few that are so addicted that they emerge themselves into a virtual world to escape from the harsh reality they do not want to live in. (Actual quote from several “hardcore” gamers I have come in to contact with.)

I know…! I know…! I know…!

•March 24, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I am so sick and tired of people telling me what to do, or how to do things. I think that is why doing homework is so hard for me. If people just stopped for a second and didn’t tell me what to do. I could actually do that particular task and do it with out question. I know what I need to do, and 98% of the time I know how to do it. If I don’t, I am smart enough to know that I need to ask for help. I guess this comes from the exact same way of doing homework. I know I need to do it, but people telling me time and time again to go do it is very frustrating. I know I need to do it, you don’t have to tell me. I know how long it will take me to do my homework, I don’t need you to tell me. If I put it off for the last day who cares as long as I get it done. I know I made a few close calls and got it in at the last minute, but that is usually from the point of something not working right. Which I never put in to account for the entire week.

What some people don’t understand is I do things when they are not looking. I don’t know if you know this, but when you’re not in a room people do operate. They move and do things. So just because I don’t do something around you, does not mean I do not do it. I know how to manage my time. I know what needs to be done, and telling me and pestering me that I need to do something is only going to make that task take longer.

I don’t like the fact that people try to down me in ways they seem fit. Trying to destroy what I am working for after I tell them what I am trying to advance towards. If I want to get better at my job most people will look at me funny. If I don’t do good at it then the other people will look at you funny. I am 22 years old and sometimes get laughed at by lousy high schoolers who think they are better than me because they don’t take their job as serious. Here I am though trying my hardest at my job. I am not saying that I am embarrassed or wanting to slack of what a few high schoolers say. I am saying this because it is like this everywhere. There are these people that laugh at people wanting to do their job right, and they pick on them or try to ruin their career. I am not in some high end job where I can advance majorly if that was to ever happen I would have to find a new job. What I am saying though what I have noticed with myself and friends in order to advance in any business you work for. You either have to work so hard that you are working seven days a week, or you have to be close friends with your boss. Because there are always these people in a higher position than you that are going to knock you down.

People hate those kinds of people that suck up to the teacher, the boss, or anyone in a position to make a life changing decision. That is just how our world works today. I can go to college and graduate, I can be a master at graphic design. You wont get that job if you don’t know people, or if you don’t have enough experience. I was trying to get an internship four years ago. Just an internship, to learn graphic design from a business stand point. I got turned down. I was told I was late, and that they needed someone more qualified. The door was locked first of all, and also that was what an internship was for. I knew I wasn’t that qualified, but I was there to learn.

It all boils down to the same thing. You have to know people. Or. You have to have to work so much that you spend your entire life working. I want that life to be a good graphic designer. If that never happens I want that life of working then coming home to my family. What is that kind of life, if I have to come home every night and go straight to bed because I am so wore out from that day. That I never spend anytime with my family. In todays world it is all about work, work, work. And I get frowned upon wanting to spend time with family. What is wrong with that? If I can afford working less and spending time with them, then why does it matter. It doesn’t I don’t need 10 years of experience for a graphic design job. I don’t have to dedicate my life for one job. I am going to college for a reason, that is for something I love.

As I said before when I first started rambling. I hate being told what to do. And now going to college is starting to feel the same way. And going to work is starting to feel the same way

I know I have to, I just don’t care. I know I have to go to college. I know I have to work so much I hate my life. I know I have homework. I know I have to clean. I know when I have to go to bed. I know when I wake up the next day this will all be repeated.

The Making of a Superhero

•March 17, 2013 • Leave a Comment

     I had to design my own Superhero this week. That seems completely easy, because you know for a fact for years since you were a kid you would daydream about what kind of Superhero you would be. If you never thought about that, then you thought about what kind of superpowers would be awesome to have. If you didn’t experience any of those thoughts I feel sorry for you. This was a prime example for me to be able to go back to my childhood roots. I will say though, that thinking of a Superhero was easy, but thinking of their background story, history, and their actual story was hard. I already had my idea on hand what I was going to create. I went through my binder of doodles I have created since I was in 6th grade, and pondered through all my little sketches of the best idea possible.

         Then I saw what I wanted to base my assignment on. I designed a woman that could control heat and electricity. I got on my boyfriends computer and started to play with DC Universe not to steal their ideas, but to figure out how they set up with the story. I wanted to actually put my mind in the mind of a superhero. I learned of different play styles and techniques that would be good for my superhero. I really enjoyed this assignment for than anything because it gave me the excuse to play a video game and not sit there doing just homework.

         When I got done with my layout and more doodles of my new superhero I went in to illustrator and put her into action. I designed a comic book layout with mostly words, but not with the pictures. I completely ran out of time with designing her in illustrator being to caught up with designing her abilities and how I was doing to describe her in my story.

         I named her Caus Brochen, with her code name Verbrennen (German for burn). Verbrennen is one of my favorite names, Every time I create a character in any game that is the name I use. I think it is both meaningful towards the character, and a beautiful name.


•March 11, 2013 • Leave a Comment

sureal picture done

Brand New

•March 11, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I have been in graphic design for so long. Yet after going to The Art Institute I feel as if I have been out of it for many years. I finally got me a Bamboo Wacom tablet so I can work in Photoshop easier, and also bought a monitor so I have a bigger screen to work on other than just a small laptop screen. It takes me hours to do just one project, when before I could easily get done in an hour. I feel like a three year old learning to write their name. Somethings have gotten so stressful towards me I almost thought about quitting. Not because I hate graphic design, but because I sometimes get the feeling I am not a good designer any more.

It mostly bothers me, because I use to be so good at graphic design I would be done with my work first then be able to help people around me that didn’t understand the concept of what we were doing in class.

Once I even was able to skip a class at the Art Institute (with teacher’s permission) because I already new everything. Now I feel like there is a blank space sitting in my head and it is really bothering me.

I guess it doesn’t help that I have a boss I feel doesn’t believe me on how much work I have for school. I was working almost 50 hours in a week for a month straight and I ended up failing that class. I had to retake it, passed it with an “A” but still couldn’t believe I failed it. I tried telling him I need certain days off, but I feel though that the people around me think I am making it up. No one except for the people that are in college believe that online schooling is hard, and we do get a lot of work in one week. I struggle a lot in a week between work, school, and sleep. I know it is common for a lot of college students, but as I told my dad my brain can’t take that big of a work load at once. Currently though my boss has been understanding of my time needed off. Even though it isn’t the days I asked off. At least it is something!